Go Your Own Way

Long time no blog huh? Well, it has been a busy week for me and I have neglected my blog for far too long! What has it been, like 3 days? Well I am back with a Do It Yo’self project that should take most people about an hour to complete. However I am special and it took me a heck of a lot longer because I was distracted by the Lifetime Movie Network, wine, and a few miscalculations.

Little known fact, I was the art teacher for an after-school program when I was in college. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Helping kids explore their creativity was such a beautiful thing to witness. They taught me that you don’t have to be skilled in sketching or watercolors to make your very own masterpiece. All it takes is the willingness to allow yourself the freedom to experiment with different materials, and to not be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t turn out the way you envisioned it.

This project was very personal to me. It combines my love of music, as well as some personal issues I’ve been struggling with over the last few months. As I write this I am struggling with just how in depth I should be about what drove me to make these choices, because it was very complex and I know you love me, but who wants to read this all night?

For as long as I can remember I’ve been a fan of Fleetwood Mac. It probably has a lot to do with my mother who exposed me to all types of music at a young age. I remember being a little girl spinning around in my living room while singing along with Stevie Nicks (especially her solo hit Stand Back).

Their 1977 album Rumors is probably the album that has influenced me the most. Every song on that record speaks to me on levels I didn’t quite understand when I was younger but now, as an adult it is crystal clear to me why I fell in love with these songs and lyrics.  Songs like Landslide, Songbird, and Don't Stop. Second Hand News and Never Going Back Again break my heart every time I listen to them.

Rumors was my first love. It taught me everything I needed to know about relationships, with your friends, family, and loved ones when they’re good, and especially when they go bad.

One day I was listening to “Go Your Own Way” and I don’t know if I can explain it to you, but I was moved to express myself through those lyrics, and I didn’t know how. These words stood out to me: 

Loving you isn’t the right thing to do 

How can I ever change things that I feel?

If I could baby I’d give you my world 

How can I, when you won’t take it from me? 

At the moment I was living those lyrics. If you’ve ever been in a place where you felt like no matter what you did, the object of your affection wasn’t open to or willing to allow you access into their world, then you know how I felt listening to this song. If there is someone standing between you and what you really want, in life and all it would take for you to achieve your goal is for them to listen to you and let you do your thing, you know how I felt listening to this song. If you’ve ever tried over and over again to tell a dear friend that their reckless behavior, and poor decision making was only making their life more complicated than it needed to be, guess what? You know, how I felt, listening to this song. 

You can go your own way 

You can call it another lonely day

I needed a way to tell this to a few people in my life, but how? I can’t sing or play an instrument like Lindsay Buckingham. I for damn sure didn’t have the courage to say it to these people who were blocking me from my happiness at the time, especially when some of us weren’t even on speaking terms.

So I thought of another way to express myself through these lyrics. I chose a way that would remind me each and every day that even though I want to have a certain type of relationship with some of my friends, family members and associates, I am not in control of what they do or how they see me, so I made this.

I took a map and detailed the places I’ve been, where I want to go, and the people who have helped or hindered me in the process. 

All it took was a map, alphabet stickers from a craft store and a frame. Easy right?

At first I was all worried about the alignment, and spacing, of the words and letters. Then I realized, like real life and relationships, it is far from perfect. Nothing is ever aligned exactly the way we want them to be when it comes to the people we care about. So instead of letting the ruler guide me, I went my own way.

Thanks to my good friend Zach for helping me find my way and the courage to do so.